It is always a somber event when someone passes away but it is also a very supportive community affair that makes life for those who remain, worth living. Our village has a tradition that "requires" one member from every household to be present at the funeral ceremony. A Buddhist funeral can take 2-4 days, depending on the plan you choose, there are evening viewings, post-cremation rites and daytime ceremonies. It takes an effort to attend: you must wear all black formal wear (matching suit - not just a one-piece dress, black neck tie, no gold buttons or ornamentation except for pearls); you must bring money; and you must come at the appropriate time. Half the people who attended had never even met the 91-year old woman who had spent her last ten years semi-comatose in a hospital, yet they came; the whole village was there, to support the family members that we did know. When everyone shows up in force, you feel you are part of a larger family. Few words are exchanged; the village stands together.
How to attend the sogi: I usually don't go alone as the family representative but tonight I did. It is important to bring a pressed handkerchief; a funeral envelope with clean 1000-yen notes (koden) and your name on the front bottom center; a silk outer envelope to carry the black and white money envelope is optional but classy; 100-yen coin to deposit near the incense pot; and a set of juzu beads for prayer (you slip the beads around your hands). (in the picture)
I sat with women of the go-han village group to ensure that guests signed the correct books, collected the koden and handed the guests a small gift of green tea and salt in a fancy wrapping. The salt will be sprinkled outside their own entry of their home to ward off evil spirits. One book was for people who plan to attend both public ceremonies and one book was for those you only attend one. It is important because if you attend both ceremonies, the money you bring to each will be totalled and you will receive the appropriate thank you gift. Later, the family will tally the amounts of money given by each family and return a gift of about half the value, using the other half to offset funeral expenses. Gifts are in the order of socks, towels, silk wraps (furoshiki) and that kind of thing.
Before the ceremony, we entered the hall where the open casket sat beneath a huge display of plastic flowers and an altar. Real flowers, paid for by donations, were in front. The first table had thick sticks of incense and a sand filled pot. We paid the 100-yen, took a stick, broke it in thirds, lit the ends and laid them down horizontally in the sand (not standing up as you usually would burn incense). The head of the casket faced north. Two groups of chairs were set up north and south facing the center, where the village priest would sit. In the south seats, sat the male relatives and they faced the women opposite them. There was another set of tables with incense boxes dividing them from the main group of guests who faced the casket.
An MC with a mood-synched microphone, in a deep melodic echoing voice, directed us to pray, bow, bow deeply, sit up...during the service, so it was easy to know what to do. The chanting is calming and almost hypnotic, allowing everyone to reflect in their own way and accept the situation without tearful grief. In this case, there was only one family speech, but sometimes there are other speakers or a slide show. This cold rainy evening, only the priest spoke of this woman's past and he highlighted how hard she had worked for her family, doing the laundry outdoors even in the winter to make sure they had clean clothes. A strange eulogy.
Row by row, we guests went up to the center tables and this time dropped granular incense from the boxes provided onto burning coals in small pots and prayed. Whenever you leave your row of seats or face the family, you bow, before you pray and after you pray, you bow. If in doubt, bow anyway because there seems to be no wrong in bowing too much.
As villagers, we are treated to refreshments (beer, tea, sweets, onigiri, assorted pickles, vegetarian dishes) at long tables in a separate room. The food was served on large platters family style but we did sit on the floor at the tables to eat. Most of the men migrated to one table and the women sat together at the other. Family members of the deceased made rounds, thanking us for coming and honoring the family.
In so many ways, it was a comforting evening and one that assures you that you are not alone in this world, even if you are misfit. That was the evening ceremony. I return tomorrow afternoon with the women's group to greet guests for the second ceremony.
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