Second day of Funeral

Seiko-san was cremated this morning. The family brought the urn containing her remains to the funeral hall where we assembled for the afternoon ceremony. I sat at the greeting table again and there were even more guests than yesterday. We had 150 people sign our book and nearly as many on the other side; the hall was full. Today was more emotional for the family because they said their final good-byes and expressed their gratitude to all the well-wishers. By now, they are completely exhausted, so tears are hard to withhold. They were up all night for two nights for vigils, as is the custom.

The beautiful flower arrangements at the front of the hall were disassembled and divided among the volunteers. You don't ask the florist to send flowers - you donate money for an arrangement so that all the arrangements match and then your name is calligraphed on a wood board for all to see. I came home with a thank you gift of soap and a scrubber, the flowers and the package of tea and salt. It was all so controlled and prescribed, but there is a certain feeling of security in that. You know exactly what will happen, how it will look and what to expect so there is little stress. In America, customized weddings and funerals can be wonderful but they also require so much extra planning and there is always a bit of uncertainty. Here, tradition dictates the plan, so you can concentrate on the relationships and not the process.

I'm glad I went. I couldn't let my sister-in-law attend and get all the accolades for participation!